Dementia and the Role of Family Members

Dementia is an overall term for diseases and conditions characterized by a decline in memory, language, problem-solving and other thinking skills that affect a person's ability to perform everyday activities. Memory loss is an example. In other words, it is characterised by a gradual decline of mental faculties which can at best be slowed down (and not arrested) through proper care and love by the family members.

When Porosh is invited for conducting counselling sessions of the clients suffering from dementia we make it a point at first to meet the concerned individual and the family members. It is an important cog in the wheel as one needs to understand the extent of dementia the person is afflicted with. Speaking to the family members is equally important to know about the person and his/ her past. After that we take a conscious call to either accept the responsibility, or to reject it.

Our experience dealing with such cases has been a mixed bag. In some cases, we have been able to make bed-ridden clients hale and hearty and yet there have also been a few where we have fallen short of our own expectations. In course of weekly review we discuss about the progress of all the clients. In course of this exercise we have realized that success, or failure of the counselling sessions to a great extent is also dependent on the family members.

Beyond an iota of doubt if the family members continue to show sympathy and exude warmth in dealing with persons suffering from dementia, after the counsellors set the tone, then does a world of good. On the contrary, if the role of family members is cold apathy and neglect then no matter how effective the counselling sessions are the client’s condition will continue to deteriorate at a faster rate. And that is indeed very frustrating.

LONELINESS – THE SCOURGE OF OLD AGE

Do we not know that with the passage of time elderly people suffer from age related problems? One might say, “Obviously so. Koi shak? It is but a natural process of decay that sets into motion with time.” But, how deeply-rooted is this widely held belief? Quite a bit and rightly so.

However, Porosh’s experience dealing with elderly citizens seems to indicate that various so-called age related health issues are often symptomatic of a deeper problem. Let us elaborate it a little bit. There was a time not so long ago when joint family system despite its own set of limitations provided a psychological cushion of sorts to the elderly members of a family by way of daily interaction with the family members who were around to take care of. It was a usual phenomenon to have three generations staying together under the same roof. We ourselves have been part of this system till recently. While son(s) were away from home in pursuit of job you had daughter(s)-in-law and grand-children to interact with. But not any more.

With the advent of nuclear family system elderly parents have to often fend for themselves to say the least. The internal support system which used to be taken for granted till some time back no longer exists. As a result, not only do they feel lonely but also find their daily existence suffocating due to lack of meaningful discussions, or intellectually stimulating conversations with ayah’s and maids. They become forced recluse and soon start to feel useless and a burden on their near and dear ones.

Naturally, they make themselves vulnerable to various health problems like depression, sleeplessness, sugar, BP etc.

It is under these circumstances that the role of professional Care Giver often becomes a game changer. By dint of their professional expertise they can engage in meaningful conversations with the elderly suffering from loneliness. Porosh has been first-hand witness to many such instances when an otherwise spiritless client has once again become cheerful and eagerly awaits the Care Giver’s visit for discussions on current affairs and some friendly banter.

Therefore, what the dependent elderly parents want more than anything else is a decent company to speak and be heard. Otherwise, loneliness becomes a scourge for them. Material riches become immaterial.

CARE GIVING – A BRIEF CASE STORY

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About a couple of months back a NRI doctor based out of England during his visit to Kolkata contacted Porosh. He wanted to avail Sneho package for his mother who was showing early signs of dementia. She was being taken care of by the maid who had been with them for the past 15 years or so.

The very next day Porosh visited the residence of the doctor to meet his mother. She was bed-ridden and wore an emaciated look with listless eyes. The doctor son seated next to her was gently caressing her forehand. However, hardly did she respond to any external stimulus. After initial interaction with us he enrolled for the package. Our duty started the very next day.

The initial few days were a bit challenging as the maid felt threatened by our presence. She felt that we were there to oust her from her job. Obviously, we were not getting much co-operation from her. On the contrary, we were greeted with suspicion which we chose to ignore. The focus was to ensure that the elderly lady recovered and led as normal a life as possible.

We engaged her in brain and music therapies. As weeks rolled into months there are visible signs of improvement. The smile is back on her face. She shares incidents from the past like her fondness for studies, Rabindra Sangeet and yes, the ethereal smile of Late Uttam Kumar.

Now the situation is such that she calls us up to enquire the time and date for our next visit. The maid no longer nurses any grudge against. Instead she participates in our adda session with mashima. We try as much possible to keep her in good humour.

The biggest satisfaction for us is the blessings we receive from her. We wish mashima a long and happy life.